i like it
lyrics are good, but put a compressor on the vocals and see what that does for you. also, try working on timing, and leads and rhythms that complement each other.
i'd like to hear the bass, if it's there, and some drums would be nice. the addicting drums plugin demo is free, and the only thing they took away was your ride symbol and toms and you can use it if you're using most host programs.
pretty good, and good job keeping the same general idea throughout the song. i know alot of people fail to do that. also, a solo at the end could be cool.
5/5, 8/10.
please return the favor on my new song: that's what we get
kthx, bye, and good luck!